On Wednesday of this week Senator Ben Sasse reported via Twitter that he had received fortune cookies containing political hexes. The hexes included “may the afterlife be a never-ending series of Fox News interviews” and “may you get trapped in an elevator with constituents who just want to tell you what you are doing wrong”. The surprising part of this story is not that the Senator received these cookies, but that every other box of cookies mailed to the other members of Congress seems to have gone missing, leading their sender to the logical conclusion: is Senator Ben Sasse a cookie thief?
Last week, Disapprove.org — a non-partisan advocacy group focused on bringing about accountability in government through getting new people elected to Congress – sent boxes of cookies to every member of the US House and Senate through the cookie service PWNPolitics (pwnpolitics.com). A representative from PWNPolitics confirmed the tracking information of the boxes as being delivered, and yet only Sen. Sasse appears to have responded.
This leads Disapprove.org to conclude that the Senator, in an effort to gain social media infamy, may have snuck into the offices of every member of Congress and stolen all of the hundreds of other boxes of fortune cookies. Such a feat would take extraordinary skill as the cookies were mailed to addresses alternating between the Hill and members’ district offices.
Sen. Ben Sasse therefore would have needed to send a team across the nation to accomplish what Disapprove.org is calling “the great cookie heist of 2019”.
Disapprove.org is both impressed and horrified that the Senator would go to such lengths to hoard all of their cookies and is putting out an open appeal for a Congressional investigation on the matter. Did Sen. Ben Sasse really steal all of the political misfortune cookies, or is this just another example of Congress being too slow to react to important national issues?
We urge anyone with information regarding the missing cookies to contact firstname.lastname@example.org.